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DESCRIPTION:
This incredible strutting peacock’s name is Handsome Hank.
Hanks tail is even bigger and more perfect than most average peacocks.
His tail is an incredible NINE FEET AND NINE INCHES WIDE and FIVE FEET
TALL!!! His tail is in perfect shape and is easily detachable in order
to carry him from room to room as well as dramatically reduce the cost
of packing and shipping.
UNLIKE OTHER TAXIDERMY PEACOCKS – HANKS TAIL IS GUARANTEED NOT TO SAG.
TARPPS has found a way to keep them from drooping over as the weeks,
months and years go by. Nothing looks more pathetic than a strutting
peacock with a tail that is sagging over like a weeping willow tree.
WE REPEAT – HANK’S TAIL WILL NOT END UP DROOPING AND SAGGING OVER LIKE
MOST OTHER TAXIDERMY STRUTTING PEACOCKS. TARPPS secret no sag formula
will only be revealed to families who are willing to adopt him.
Handsome Hank’s wings are angled downward rather than straight back,
so that you can put him directly up against a wall (which takes up less
space, and looks better). Handsome Hank is such an awe inspiring sight,
if you decide to adopt him you will have no trouble using him to brighten
any room, entertain guests (young and old alike), and teach some simple
spiritual truths. If you have any teenagers who like to draw attention
to themselves with strange hairdo’s -- they might like to borrow Hanks
tail for a really great Mohawk.
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BIOGRAPHY:
(soon to be a chapter in “The Peacock Parable” series)
The founder and president of TARPPS would like to introduce
all you peacock lovers to this perfect specimen of a strutting India
blue peacock. Handsome Hank came to TARRPS in a horrible mid-life crisis.
He was once a very well known celebrity in the peacock world. If you
are not up on The Who’s Who of Peacock Society, Handsome Hank is to the
peacock world, what Arnold Schwarzenegger is the human race.
When Hank was at his prime he managed to win just about every award
for physical attractiveness a male peacock can win. He ate all the right
things, exercised religiously, and practiced strutting more than all
the other peacocks. His hard work paid off and developed him into the
epitome of outward beauty. At one time Hank could actually make his crest
spread all the way from his beak to the back of his neck! EVEN IN HIS
GOLDEN YEARS HANK CAN STILL ALMOST SPREAD HIS CREST THE SAME INCREDIBLE
LENGTH (look closely at his pictures again). This incredible feat helped
him win the prestigious Mr. America peacock strutting pageant three times
and then capture the glorious Mr. Universe peacock strutting pageant
five years in a row (which exceeds even Arnold Schwarzenegger’s record).
The award that Handsome Hank is most proud of was the grueling World
Peacock Decathlon held in Madrid, Spain in 1994. It proved to everyone
that he was not just another pretty boy. Only the strongest and most
talented peacocks are able to even complete all of the grueling events.
If you have never witnessed one of these peacock extravaganzas, it consists
of incredible feats of strength and endurance such as who can preen the
fastest, the longest and the look the most poised. Other events include
who can scream the loudest (the number of glasses they break with their
high pitch screams determines the points scored). Hank always scored
highest in the spurring/flogging contest (which is much like human boxing).
Two peacocks will flog each other unmercifully for 15 rounds, or until
one of them can no longer stand up before the count of 10. The winners
are then matched up until only one slugger fights his way to the top
and becomes the New World champion of the WORLD FEDERATION OF FLOGGING
PEACOCKS. This exhibition of brute strength can only be topped by watching
each of the contestants try to fly up to the top of a 100 foot tree limb
carrying weights starting at 1 lb. and going up to 18.7 lbs. (the record
Hank set in 1994).
The grand finale of the World Peacock Decathlon, of course, is seeing
all the contestants on stage competing in unison for the most flawless,
most outstanding and longest strut. This event is always the crowds’
favorite as hundreds of peacocks pose in every way imaginable for as
long as possible. At one time Handsome Hank set the world record for
the longest full tail spread strut. He actually held every feather in
perfect place for six hours!!! (Most peacocks can only hold that pose
for about 5 minutes.) Even though Hank can still dazzle anyone with his
majestic beauty, his strength and health are not what they used to be.
He took one to many spurrings to his head and is consequently, slightly
punch drunk. PLEASE NOTICE THE COVETED TROPHY HANK WON AT THE WORLD PEACOCK
DECATHLON!
Handsome Hank was referred to TARPPS by a veterinarian in the hope that
we might be able to find him a warm home for him to live in before next
winter. We were all shocked to learn of Hank’s mid-life crisis and true
condition. Hank had kept his health problems so well hidden, that when
he actually humbled himself (which is extremely hard for all arrogant
peacocks) and told us the details of his condition we were shocked! We
gallantly came to his rescue when we learned that Hank had been suffering
for years from tendonitis and degenerative arthritis! Hank had grown
so weary of suffering through the long, cold winter temperatures, he
actually tried ending his life last year by taking all of his pain medications
at one time. Thank God that the TARRPS animal psychologist was able to
identify the real source of his debilitating depression and help him
find true meaning and happiness in life before he tried suicide again!
Hank confessed to us that the Rolling Stones’ song “I can’t get no satisfaction”
pretty much summed up his life. He would burst into tears every time
the song got to the part where Mick Jagger sings “well I try! and I try!
and I try! and I try! – I CAN’T GET NO – SATISFACTION, ”. As tragic as
it is, this is not an unusual problem with strutting rock stars or peacocks
and at least Hank has finally started facing the truth about himself.
Hank is certainly not unusual when it comes to being motivated by selfish
ambitions. Most of the beautiful male peacocks that come to us have spent
their whole lives seeking praise and vain glory through fame, fortune,
honors, sex, and other self-indulgent pursuits (much like movie and rock
stars). They usually only come to realize how foolish they have been
when they look back at their lives and see how loveless, meaningless,
empty, and unsatisfying it all was. Most peacocks are so self-absorbed,
they end up being worthless fathers or playboys who never married at
all (like Hank). Hank’s life is another tragic example of “what does
it profit anyone if he gains the whole world, but destroys his own soul.”
When these old birds finally start facing up to how foolish they have
been, we at TARPPS are able to introduce them to some of their own kind
(like the Great JB and Saint Willy) who have found the true happiness
and joy all peacocks are really looking for. Hank is now learning to
experience real happiness which is best summed up in the immortal words
of the King of the Jews. “Love one another in the same way I have loved
you.” “ I did NOT come to be served, but to serve and give my life away.”
We at TARRPS are so happy to say that Handsome Hank has finally seen
the light and is trying to learn to care about others as much as he cares
about himself. His new family will need to cut him some slack. Hank is
brand new to this kind of life and it is extremely hard for an old peacock
to change old habit patterns. Don’t worry too much about that arrogant
look in his eye. It is virtually impossible to lose that haughty look
while he is strutting! Rest assured that Handsome Hank has truly repented
of his self-absorbed, self-promoting, self-indulgent, selfish, loveless
ways. Let’s just hope he doesn’t backslide!
Won’t some of you peacock lovers rally around this AWARD WINNING old
bird in his hour of need? When Handsome Hank learned that he would
be able to stay warm indoors next winter through the TARPPS retirement
plan if he would give up that nasty habit of screaming – his whole
attitude towards life has changed dramatically. After all of Hank’s
hard work to stay in tip top condition, someone, anyone PLEASE ADOPT
OLD HANK! WE ARE BEGGING YOU NOT TO LET THIS HANDSOME, AWARD WINNING,
MEMBER OF TARPPS SHIVER THROUGH ANOTHER LONG COLD WINTER!
If someone will only adopt Hank, many of us peacock lovers will be able
to sleep better knowing someone’s generous contribution will have rescued
another elderly peacock from 4-6 months of shivering outside all winter
with excruciating arthritis making it all the more unbearable. Please
help us eradicate the inhumane treatment of aging peacocks! We at TARPPS
are not ashamed to beg, cry, or plead in our gallant quest to find warm
homes to adopt our poor, aging feathered friends. Peacocks never asked
to be brought to America! They were unjustly forced to leave their tropical
homeland of India. How much longer will we ignore the plight of aging
peacocks? After all that peacocks have done to bring true beauty to the
new world – will you be able to live with yourself knowing Hank will
be hobbling around all next winter? Have you ever seen a peacock trying
to strut with arthritis? It is not funny. PLEASE! SOMEONE! ANYONE! -
HAVE MERCY ON OLD HANK – ADOPT HIM NOW!
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Before you adopt Handsome Hank, you must be willing to
comply with seven guaranteed benefits of TARPPS modest retirement plan:
#1. New family home must have central heating.
#2. New family must give Hank a conspicuous place where everyone who sees him
will be almost as enamored with his majestic beauty as he is with himself. Hank
has always loved being the center of attention, and looking good is a job old
Hank can certainly still handle. (Having a job again may help him regain his
fragile self-esteem).
#3. No one will be allowed to ruffle his feathers. Peacocks do not appreciate
humans touching them with oily hands (a sheepskin duster will be provided for
proper cleaning). #4. He needs a little entertainment like Foghorn Leghorn cartoons,
tea parties and a little music (peacocks prefer classical music with a little
Indian folk music).
WARNING: Do NOT play any Rap music, or screaming may still occur.
#5. New family members must help us get the word out about the plight of aging
peacocks. We hope you will begin to sing TARPPS’ well known theme songs as often
as possible. If you can NOT carry a tune - PLEASE do NOT sing. You would NOT
be helping our cause.
First song: “What the world needs now, is homes warm homes,
no not just for some old peacocks, but for every one.
What the world need now, is homes warm homes,
that’s the only thing, that there’s just too little of.”
(sung to the tune of “What the world need now is Love”)
Second song: “Oh I’d like to be a warm retired peacock,
that is what I’d really like to be.
Cause if I were a warm retired peacock,
Everyone would be in love with me”!!!
(sung to the tune of “Oh I’d like to be an Oscar Meyer wiener”)
As incredible as it may sound, our “retired” peacocks have removable
tails, and can be sent in two separate boxes to reduce the cost of packing
and shipping to $300.00. (I urge you to contact us to verify shipping
costs as they are subject to change, depending upon which common carrier
is offering the best price at the time of sale.) The bird will come in
one box by UPS. A separate carton is made for the tail and it is shipped
by common carrier. Having the detachable tail makes it much easier to
transport the bird around the house.
To those of you who have trouble distinguishing fact from fiction, Handsome
Hank is just an extremely good looking, recently preserved, taxidermy
India Blue peacock. Because our retired peacocks always seem to become
one of the main conversation pieces in every home, these copy written
retirement stories are designed to give the new owners some facts and
fiction to humor their guests. The American Retired Peacock Preservation
Society is just another for profit business that masquerades itself as
a charity. |
