Whitey Fantailed – $3,200
Dear Peacock Lovers, Victorian Era Collectors and Antique Dealers,
Welcome to the official web site of “The American Retired Peacock Preservation Society” (better known as TARPPS). WE ARE THE ONLY “RETIRED” PEACOCK ADOPTION AGENCY IN THE WORLD!
WE STRONGLY URGE YOU TO READ THE ENTIRE DESCRIPTION OF THIS WHITE PEACOCK AND ALL THE CONTRACTUAL OBLIGATIONS OF THIS ADOPTION (especially the fine print). In order to avoid law suits, we are compelled to divulge all personal character flaws of each peacock up for adoption. In case you do not yet know what a “retired” peacock is or have never raised peafowl, it is VITAL that you understand – Peacock are very similar to humans in many ways. All peafowl have different personalities and life experiences that make them what they are.
Please, make sure this particular peacock’s personality is just the right type that will be compatible with your family before you adopt him. It is so sad when character traits and personality types are not given proper consideration. If you feel this particular peacock is not suited to your family, look over the other “retired” peacocks we have available. Surely you will find one that will be a perfect fit with your family
The founder and president of TARPPS is proud to introduce this magnificent white peacock. His name is Whitey. White peacocks are one of the rarest breeds of peacocks. He is a perfect specimen of what a white peacock should look like. Good specimens are extremely hard to find. We were only able to find three last year. If you are interested in white peacocks BE SURE TO CONTACT US BEFORE YOU ADOPT ONE TO SEE IF ANY ARE AVAILABLE. We will be glad to put your name on our waiting list. White peacocks are not genetic freaks like albinos. Their eye color varies from dark brown all the way to blue.
Whitey stands nearly 6 feet 10 inches from the tip of this crest to the tip of his tail. He weighs only 5-6 pounds, which is ideal if you would like to display him on a wall
(L shaped brackets will be shipped to you no charge if you want them). You can leave the brackets off and put him on some type of pedestal. The wood base is primed white so you can paint it to match your colors. There is a felt covering on the bottom of the base.
BIOGRAPHY: (soon to be a chapter in “The Peacock Parable” series)
The founder/president/CEO of TARPPS must apologize to all you peacock lovers for not having Whitey’s biography completed. TARRPS is in the middle of a very long, nasty writer’s strike. (this is the second strike this year)
The American Retired Peacock Preservation Society board of directors is not convinced that our writing staff is worthy of any salary increases – let alone all the guaranteed health insurance benefits they are demanding! If you have actually read any of the other peacock biographies, we are quite sure you will agree with management that TARPPS writers are extremely unprofessional, long winded, and their writing skills are on the level of fourth graders. Do the masses of peacock lovers really believe TARRPS writers are worth more than minimum wage? We regret to inform you that it looks as though it may be months before this strike is over and Whitey’s life story is completed. Please accept our apologies.
Based on my own personal knowledge of Whitey, I will do my best to inform you about the character, nature and make up of this awesome white peacock. It is vitally important for humans to understand that white peacocks make up less than 1% of the world peacock population. Since Whitey grew up in a minority race, we hope you can understand that Whitey has experienced a great deal of racial discrimination throughout his entire life. Try to imagine yourself in Whitey’s shoes for just one minute. How would you feel if your family was the only white family in the whole county? What if you were the only white peacock at school? Can you imagine how it feels to have all the other chicks staring, whispering, pointing, and laughing at you just because you are a different color? Peacocks love being the center of attention, but not if everyone is mocking them and calling them names like Marshmallow, Casper, Honkey or the Blue Eyed Devil. (white peacocks eye color range from blue to brown) We hope you can see that no race of peacocks understand the vicious nature of racial prejudices the way white peacocks do.
Whitey’s positive reaction towards extreme discrimination is the thing that has set him apart from all other peacocks. Whitey has always been very up front about the secret of his success in overcoming racial prejudice. He told us that he even as a youngster he felt like he was on a mission from God to bring peace and reconciliation between the peacock races. Whitey has always had an incredible gift to inspire others and cause them to reexamine their core beliefs. His passionate convictions have impacted everyone who has known him. Even those who don’t agree with him respect his higher calling which led him to found one of the most respected organizations in peafowl history. For those of you who are unaware of the peacock civil rights movement – it is called the National Association for the Advancement of Whited Peacocks (NAAWP). Whitey’s biography would be sadly lacking if we did not include just a bit of his great oratory abilities. He could take insights from his hero’s (like Martin Luther King) and touch to the hearts of peacocks everywhere. I have included just the tail end of a speech Whitey made recently after receiving the NAAWP highest honor. The prestigious “Life Achievement” award.
“I HAVE A DREAM that one day my little white chicks will go to school with all the India blue chicks and be free of the cruel prejudicial pecking order!”
“I HAVE A DREAM that one day all peacocks will not be judged by the color of their feathers, but by the content of their character!”
“I HAVE A DREAM that one day all White peacocks, and all India blue peacocks, all Black shoulder peacocks, and all Pied peacocks will one day live together in harmony and no longer fight one another like a bunch stupid fighting chickens!”
“I HAVE A DREAM that one day all peafowl will SMARTEN UP and learn who their REAL enemy is”.
“I HAVE A DREAM that one day all peafowl will RISE UP, and TURN AGAINST our REAL enemy.”
“Our REAL enemy is NOT the humans who cage us! Our real enemy is NOT the humans who forced us to live outside in frigid climates. Our real enemy is NOT our India blue brethren or our Black shoulder brethren or our White peacock brethren!”
“LET US NOT BE FOOLED ANY LONGER ABOUT WHO OUR REAL ENEMY IS. ‘Our battle is NOT against flesh and blood (those we can see) – Our battle is against HUGE NUMBERS OF INVISIBLE WICKED SPIRITS IN HIGH PLACES.”
(Whitey was quoting Ephesians 6:12 from the Holy Bible)
“I HAVE A DREAM that one day all peacocks will get smarter than clueless, stupid fighting chickens who don’t realize they are being pit against each other for sadistic pleasures and gambling profits.”
“I HAVE A DREAM that one day ALL chickens, and ALL peacocks, and ALL humans will trust our Creator’s words and unite against our real enemy. When that day comes there will be NO MORE bloody chicken fights. There will be NO MORE brutal peacock fights. There will be NO MORE human strife, broken homes, or civil wars.”
“I HAVE A DREAM that one day the words of the Great Prophet will come to pass.
‘The lion WILL lay down with the lamb’! When that day comes – we will be free as last
“FREE AT LAST, when we will finally be smarter than two stupid fighting chickens locked in a fight to the death”!
“FREE AT LAST, when we will finally be smarter than two fighting peacocks who spur each other at the drop of hat”!
“FREE AT LAST, when we will finally be smarter than the humans who defile one another with words, slander, accusations, half-truths and character assassination”!
“THANK GOD – WHEN THAT DAY COMES — WE WILL BE FREE AT LAST.”!!
It might interest you to know that as Whitey finished this speech and returned to seat, the crowd went wild and screamed for more (peacocks scream when they get excited). Whitey came back to the microphone just one more time and eloquently summed up his whole mission in life, in these famous final words.
“When my life is over, and I’ve gone to my reward,
I leave you with my motto, and I pray it become yours.
YOUR BROTHER — IS NEVER — YOUR ENEMY”
That speech should give you a pretty good idea of the character qualities of this white peacock. If you find yourself wondering how many times you may have been used by evil spirits to hurt and wound others — you can see how Whitey’s wisdom will be passed on and on. If words have the power to heal, or to hurt like an arrow through your soul, should we not be more careful and examine our thoughts, to determine their unseen true source? What if Whitey is right? What if the Bible is true? What if evil spirits are our invisible real enemies? What if they are really deceiving clueless humans into doing their dirty work for them — while they laugh at us, and get their kicks out of pitting us against each other? What if they are the sadistic forces that play on our spiritual ignorance to instigate wars between the races, the sexes, husbands and wives, family members, churches members, differing denominations, religions, political parties, politicians, tribes, sub cultures, and nations? Whitey sure can make you wonder!
Imagine the spiritual truths you could share with your guests if you were kind enough to adopt Whitey? Even if you can’t agree with all of Whitey’s view, we hope he has found a soft spot in your heart. Don’t you think he deserves to spend his golden years indoors rather than shivering outside all next winter. Please help us end the inhumane treatment of aging peacocks! We at TARPPS are not ashamed to beg, cry, or plead in our gallant quest to find warm homes to adopt our poor, aging feathered friends. Peacocks never asked to be brought to America! They were unjustly forced to leave their tropical homeland of India. How much longer will we ignore the plight of aging peacocks? After all that peacocks have done to bring true beauty to the New World – will you be able to live with yourself knowing Whitey might freeze to death next winter? PLEASE! SOMEONE! ANYONE! – HAVE MERCY ON AT LEAST THIS ONE PEACOCK!
If pity or compassion is compelling you to adopt Whitey, but you have legitimate concerns about whether he will be able to stop all of his deafening screaming with will power alone, —- YOU CAN REST ASSURED. We at TARPPS have permanently solved that age old problem. Just as castrating a stallion makes a gentle gelding, we have hired one of the few brain surgeons in the world who is able to disconnect the screaming mechanism in a peacock’s brain so that humans and peacocks can live in harmony together indoors! 51% of TARPPS budget goes toward keeping this highly gifted surgeon on our staff (one of the reasons our writers keep going on strike).
Before you adopt Whitey, you must be willing to comply with seven guaranteed benefits of TARPPS luxury retirement plan:
#1. New family must have central heating..
#2. New home must give Whitey a conspicuous place where everyone who sees him will be almost as enamored with his majestic beauty as he is with himself. He always loves being the center of attention, and looking good is a job old Whitey can certainly still handle. Having a job again may help him hang onto his self-respect.
#3. No one will be allowed to ruffle his feathers. Peacocks do not appreciate humans touching them with oily hands (a sheepskin duster will be provided for proper cleaning). #4. Whitey needs a little entertainment like Foghorn Leghorn cartoons, tea parties and a little music (peacocks prefer classical music with a little Indian folk music).
WARNING: Do NOT play any Rap music, or screaming may still occur.
#5. New family must help us get the word out about the plight of aging peacocks. We hope you will begin to sing TARPPS’ well-known theme songs as often as possible. If you can NOT carry a tune – PLEASE do NOT sing. You would NOT be helping our cause.
First song: “What the world needs now, is homes warm homes,
no not just for some old peacocks, but for every one.
What the world needs now, is homes warm homes,
that’s the only thing, that there’s just too little of.”
(sung to the tune of “What the world need now is Love”)
Second song: “Oh I’d like to be a warm retired peacock,
that is what I’d really like to be.
Cause if I were a warm retired peacock,
Everyone would be in love with me”!!!
(sung to the tune of “Oh, I’d like to be an Oscar Meyer wiener)
As incredible as it may sound, our “retired” peacocks have removable tails, and can be sent UPS in two separate boxes for as little as $60.00 packing and shipping. That is about 1/4 the cost of shipping a 7 foot peacock that does not have a detachable tail. It also enables one to transport these birds in a car instead of a van (very important for retailers).
FACTS: To those of you who have trouble distinguishing fact from fiction, Whitey is just an extremely good looking, recently preserved, stuffed white peacock. Because our “retired” peacocks always seem to become one of the main conversation pieces in every home, these copy written retirement stories are designed to give the new owners some facts and fiction to humor their guests. The American Retired Peacock Preservation Society is just another for profit business that masquerades itself as a charity. This story was based on a few facts you city slickers might not know. How many facts did you find in this story? #1. Peacocks are native to India.
#2. The circulation of older peacocks does get bad in their feet (just like humans) and they do suffer out in the cold. Some even get arthritis.
#3. Most peacock owners (and particularly their neighbors) are glad to get rid of extra males to cut down on all the screaming (peacocks scream to warn, threaten and challenge other males not to trespass or mess with their harem).
#4. Many of the exceptionally long tailed older males we purchase really are at the bottom of the pecking order and the younger, stronger males are merciless with them.
#5. Not only are white peacocks a very small minority of the peacock population, they are also at the bottom of the pecking order. They are smaller and less dominant, so they are much harder to raise (that is one reason so few exist).
#6. If you are a person who believes the Bible is true, and find yourself forgetting who your real enemy is – you need to ask yourself one question. Who is more foolish? The fighting chickens who can’t read and don’t have a clue who their real enemy is, or the humans who can read God’s book and yet continue to allow evil spirits to use them to defile and destroy other humans with words, accusations, slander, and half-truths?